


Porch Sex

by icedteainthebag



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M, porch sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-05-15 17:36:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5793667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icedteainthebag/pseuds/icedteainthebag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>see title.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Porch Sex

**Author's Note:**

> Set post-The Truth and pre-IWTB. this fic was inspired by numerous revival porch gifs and was encouraged by storybycorey, aloysiavirgata, and avocadoave.

Mulder first brought up porch sex when they took their tour of the old homestead, the fifth of six houses they were looking at that day. It was an older house with weathered siding that the realtor generously described as “rustic.”

Mulder nudged Scully and whispered his proposal in her ear while the realtor fumbled with the Supra Key.

“Not now,” Scully hissed.

He leaned back lightly against the porch railing, then a bit more, then bounced against it a few times with his little, round, impudent ass. “I’m just saying,” he said, feigning offense. “Seems solid.”

“The whole place is solid,” the realtor said, popping open the creaking door. Daylight illuminated the space, probably the first time in years.

“Solid floors… solid walls,” he murmured as he followed Scully in. “Solid staircase…”

“Shut up,” she managed through the giggles barely held inside her chest.

Mulder plopped down on the sagging pea-green couch in the middle of the living room. Dust puffed up in tandem with a loud crack.

“Not solid.“

Hand against her mouth, she tried to mute the “fuck” that came out of it.

-

They signed the papers, picked up the keys, and went to the local hardware store to rent a Shop Vac. She had a very specific plan for tackling their “rustic” little abode: a room per day, meticulously dusted, scrubbed, and detailed with the Norwex products her mother got them as a housewarming gift.

“How many spiders do you think live here?” she asked him as they walked through the living room.

“Two hundred seventy-three.” He walked over to the tiny dinette set in the kitchen, light formica and chrome and at least 50 years old. “Look at this, Scully. Vintage.”

“Great.” She drew back the curtains, revealing millions of dusty specks dancing in the air. “Mulder, I don’t know where to start. I had a plan, but…” Her voice drifted off warily.

He approached her, all swagger, and caught her by the hips. “We could start with the porch sex.” He bumped his hips against her bottom for emphasis.

“It’s the middle of the day.”

“Come on. We’ve done it in the middle of the day before.” He moved her hair away from her neck, his voice a low pitch of seduction and teasing.

She leaned into him, their bodies slowly swaying back and forth in front of the window. He kissed her ear. “Not outside.” 

“Well, there was that one time–”

She swatted his hand. “Mulder, I have to get at least one room clean today.”

“Maybe we should clean the bedroom.” He paused, and she said along with him, “so we can get it dirty again.” She rolled her eyes.

“I know your game by now.” She pulled away and gestured toward the Shop Vac. “You. Suck.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He hopped on over to the machine and grabbed the attachment. “Spiders beware.”

-

That night Scully served him wine as they settled into the dilapidated metal chairs on the porch, two of the many relics that had come with the house. Mulder’s chair squeaked with every small bounce created by his tapping foot. It was moments after dusk, a post-sunset sky burning red over a ring of trees. A whir of sound began, substantially consisting of frogs, a quirky evening serenade.

“This yard is perfect for children,” she said.

Mulder looked at her and silently nodded, then averted his gaze to the growing darkness around them.

“I don’t need that any more, you know.” 

He reached over and pulled her dangling hand into his, their fingers twining. “All I need is this.”

Their heavy thoughts were interrupted by a loud brrrup of a bullfrog from the creek in the thicket. “Noise pollution,” she said.

“It came with the house.”

She stood up and faced him, her foot nudging his. His hands slid around her waist and he pulled her onto his thighs. The chair squeaked its objection. “Now this is why I wanted a porch,” he said with a cocky smile.

“This?” Her fingers teased the front of his cargo pants, up and down the stitch line.

“A little of that.”

She kissed him, her hand traveling through the back of his hair and gripping it to pull him closer. His hands began to make circles on her lower back. “This?” she asked against his mouth, smiling.

“Maybe this.” He slid his hands under her ass and rose out of his seat. She shrieked with laughter as he hefted her up so she could lock her legs around his torso. He carried her to the porch railing and set her down on top of it as she clung to him.

“No! No… Mulder, I’m going to fall.” 

“I got ya.”

“Nooo, you don’t…” She buried her face in his chest, laughing so hard she wheezed. 

“Come on.” He thrust against her, just enough to jolt her into hugging him harder. “We can make this work.”

“Sir Isaac Newton couldn’t make this work, Mulder.”

He laughed and slid his hand down the back of her pants. “Now, now, don’t discount my masterful grasp of Newton’s laws of motion.”

She looked up into his eyes with as stern of a look as she could muster. “I’m going to fucking fall.”

He ground his crotch against hers, making her whimper and almost lose her composure. “Can’t have that.” He slid her off the railing and she was able to relax her rigid limbs, feet on the ground. Before she regained her balance he turned her around and bumped her against the porch railing so she was facing out toward the yard.

His hands closed over the top of hers, trapping her in her place.

“We could try this way.” He was hard against her back and they rubbed against each other, teasing, for several minutes then, waiting for their arousal to get the best of them. She put her hand between her legs, gripping through her pants hard enough to feel jolts of pleasure run up her body.

“I commend your ingenuity,” she breathed, “but you and I both know our height differential makes this position nearly impossible to achieve.”

“Always the skeptic.” He bent over at the waist, her body folding under his until her head was hanging over the rail. He kissed the back of her head, breathing her in. “Hold on.”

And then he was off around the corner of the house, leaving her there throbbing and perplexed. 

The bullfrog made his brrrup again.

Mulder returned after a few moments. rounding the corner carrying a large wooden apple box in his hand.

“Oh, no. No.” Scully pressed her hand against her face. “Did you have that prop ready?”

“Mulder family motto. Always Be Prepared for Alien Invasions and The Like.” He plopped the box down and it clattered, settling on the wood. He lined it up against the railing with his hands, exaggerating his gestures for effect. 

“Am I ‘The Like’?” She straightened in front of him, fire in her eyes.

“You’re The Love. I found it in the shed today. Now pull down your pants.”

She flipped open her button and unzipped. “So romantic.”

“Hey, sometimes I’m a chocolate and flowers kind of guy.”

As she slid her pants down her legs and kicked them off, he let his cargo pants pool around his ankles. She turned around to look out into the expansive darkness. “Nobody can see us from the road, right?”

His fingers hooked into her underwear and slid them down her legs. She shivered, the night air cool against her thighs. “Nobody can see us but that bullfrog right out there.”

“Where?” She stepped up onto the apple box, still in her socks. “Do you see him?”

During her inquiry she is spreading her legs ever so slightly across the box.

“Mmhmm.” Mulder palmed her ass and kissed her neck. He pointed out into the distance, his hips settling against hers. “He’s right out there.” He pulled his own waistband down, freeing himself. One of his fingers caressed the delicate, wet flesh between her legs, twirling around her entrance. 

“A voyeuristic bullfrog.” She gasped lightly when his finger entered her. “Now I’ve seen everything.”

Her hips began working with the smooth movement of his hand, his cock against her hip, the friction making him breathe heavily. “I think he’s gone, I think we’re good,” she panted.

“Oh, I can… you think we’re okay now?”

“Yessss.” She squeezed her hot, tight muscles around his finger.

He grabbed himself and put an arm around her waist. She relaxed into him and he began to carefully enter her. Her hands tenuously gripped the railing.

Scully moaned. “If you drop me, I’m divorcing you.”

“I knew I should have demanded a prenup.” He slid into her and they both let out a sigh of relief. Her legs worked to steady her stance and he wrapped one hand around the top of the railing for leverage.

“Scully, could you sing that Jeremiah the bullfrog song for me?”

“Fuck off,” she said, grinding her ass against his groin.

He began fucking her slowly, but soon in response to her soft sounds he sped up to increase their volume. His mouth was against her neck and hair, kissing and tugging at whatever he could find.

Her hands fumbled at the railing. “Take it easy, Killer. You’re going to launch me into the woods.”

“You feel so fucking good, Scully,” he breathed, accentuated by a loud groan. “Sometimes I can’t take it.”

“Mulder.”

Her voice was sharp and alert and he immediately stopped all motion. 

“What? You see someone?”

He was buried to the hilt inside of her as his eyes scanned the property. Her vision was focused on one point far away on the treeline.

“There’s something out there.”

“Scully, come on.”

“I’m serious. Can’t you see it?”

He squinted. “Maybe. Could we just–”

“I’m outside in the middle of nowhere, exposed in the most vulnerable of ways. At least let me figure out… oh my God.”

He felt his erection sagging. “What???”

“I think it’s a bear.”

“There are absolutely no bear–”

“Oh, thank God, it’s smaller than a bear. Maybe a fox?”

The bullfrog made a loud brrrup.

He leaned his forehead against the back of her head. “Jesus.”

She started laughing and he could feel it from the inside of her.

“Are we done here, David Attenborough?”

Her laughter was so effusive she couldn’t stop, not even when he pulled out of her. She turned around on her apple box and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Awww.”

“Yeah, yeah. And now you’re showing that peeping Tom fox your bare ass.”

“There’s only one Fox for me,” she kisses him before bursting into laughter again.

She hopped off the box and he, the gentleman, collected her pants and underwear while dragging his own pants up his legs.

“At least we cleaned the bedroom today,” she said, holding the screen door open for him. She sauntered into the house, her bare ass swaying, and cocked her eyebrow at him before she took off up the stairs.

He looked down at his dick. “I don’t know how you deal with this woman.”


End file.
